Trivial Things That Annoy You Thread

What I'd give for an extra two squirts of the wanking...

 

Walking to the shops a little * sat on the wall says ''hello fatty'' to me. I replied ''your mums a *'' as you do.
These kids have no respect for a don and are now oblivious as to whom previously ran these streets before they were even born.

 

Doddery old * in trains, planes, hotels, queues.. anything..

Shuffling about clogging up aisles and doorways everywhere you go… take an age to get sat down on a plane… shuffling up the aisle… counting the fekkin rows out loud as they go… you’re row fkkkn 23.. just keep going ya doddery old cabbage.

..Then - once theyve discovered row 23 is after row 22… they struggle to tell what ABC DEF means and which one is their seat… then get all anxious because there’s not enough room in the overhead locker above their seat even though there’s plenty rooom in the next one… and then start fannying around with other folks stuff (namely mine) as they try to shoehorn it into a space that Stephen * Hawking couldn’t find a way to explain as even a remote possibility short of calling in the ghost of Paul Daniel’s.

The planes barely taken off and the same ones are hobbling up the plane to the nearest lavvy or in fact any door it seems… as the crusty old fart on the plane I’ve just got off tried to open the cockpit door.

The most staggering thing of all… is that despite almost needing a surgical hoist to get them into their seat in the first place (once said old fart has been relocated by crew to their correct seat) …. The seatbelt (fastening) which previously seemed to be on a par with the Cambridge university entrance exam is off like we’ve just crash-landed and they are out of it and on their feet like they’ve died in-flight and been reincarnated as a fukkn kangaroo and managed to take up a position half-way up the plane.

The same process as boarding now takes place in reverse with the crusty old * clogging up the aisle, taking forever to get their OAP issue rucsac down yet managing toand shuffle as slowly as possible to the exit.

Do I need to elaborate regarding the process where shuttle buses are involved.

They should be banned from fukkn having a passport…

At the very least there should be a seatbelt locking system that keeps them all clamped in at the back of the plane until everyone else has got off.

Sat in a departure lounge right now wondering which of the travelling ‘near-dead’ will be my next flights offenders.

#nonewpassportsaftereighty

 

Hope one day I’m sitting behind you on a long flight with my jumbo sized packet of wetheralls originals

 

You’ll be down the back strapped in until the non-shufflers have got off.

 

Third night of having to listen to Taylor Swift, whether I want to or not.

 

Vicars and the like appearing on quiz shows with the dog collar and all the gear. Nobody else there is in their work clothes...

 

Don't you be giving John Terry any ideas...

 

It’s the same whenever they interview an astronaut or even prospective astronaut on tv…

They turn up with the full fekkin outfit… badges and NASA logos … the lot.. they’d probably have the helmet on as well except nobody would get to see their smug faces then.

Fannies

 

* that believe every single thing that ever happened is some mad conspiracy/cover up or whatever. Nobody ever just dies or falls into water never to be found anymore ... they're always murdered and it's being covered up by the police, government or they're away living their best life abroad without the use of a passport or any money. Every person must have some sort of high up connection that is happy to help them get away with murder or whatever according to the social media commenters.

Sometimes the simplest answer is the correct one ya nutjobs.

 

‘* the King’ …

… just doesn’t trip of the tongue quite a well as…

‘* the Queen’…

 

I hate Richard Coles, he's such a self righteous *. And The Communards were *.

 

That underarmour advert.

“We’re the greatest team, the world has ever seen”

No you’re not, and shut the * up.

 

That twix advert with the two entitled bears who are going to eat the dudes with the long hair. Not funny! adverts should be funny else they are an annoyance.
adverts should be either funny or at least have some kind of creativity to them. Some car adverts are inspiring, some travel adverts too, they call for you to move ahead in life and go on a journey. I sometimes enjoy that but most of the time the adverts I have to watch are really *.
I understand the concept, you are under pressure to create something, most ideas seem done already, I can see how a really * idea can manifest into reality and now people are subjected to cringe humour.

The positive thing about adverts is that they generate money which we might otherwise have to pay. I’ll sit and watch a * advertisement because I know that it’s paying for my free viewing.

I can rattle on about anything, I’m halfway through a game of fm24 and I need to take a break and chat some breeze lol

 

Once I was trapped behind a pair of biddies on an escalator, could hear them talking all types of boring stuff and then I thought ‘hang on a sec, I need to be somewhere’
So I said “c’mon now ladies, chop chop ,some of us have still got some life left in us you know”

 

The names of candidates and parties stuck on lampposts. Oh, Labour, is it? I'll vote for them, then...

 

The * Facebook police, * sat behind a computer screen thousands of miles away playing detective, in this particular instance, the Jay Slater disappearance in Tenerife.

Every * and their dog 100% know the facts, the ins and outs and all the tiny details of what's gone off with someone they've never met and in a different country.

* right off!!!

 

Greggs. The Bakers.

What the * is their problem like?

Hunners of stuff all sitting in the shelf waiting to get bought. Steak Bakes, Sausage Rolls, Pies, Cheese and Onion Slice, Chicken Bakes etc........

"Are any of these hot?" I ask her

"No...they are not hot" She replies

"Could you heat one up for me?" I ask

"No we're not allowed to heat them up" she replies

"What is the point of selling cold things then?" I ask "Cause people will be buying them.....taking them home and re-heating them." I point out. "What would anybody want to come in here for an eat a cold cheese and onion slice? Or a cold chicken bake.....what is the * point???"

See in Bains they'll heat it up for you if you ask them. No in Greggs though. You've to eat cold pies and sausage rolls for your lunch.

Its like going for an ice-cream but they only have melted ice cream cause they aren't allowed to put it back in the freezer.

Gregg........whoever Gregg is.............is an *. Mark my words

 

Accents again. Been working up the scummy lands. Whitburn, Harthill, Shotts.....hun infested lands. But it is quite noticable the difference in the accent between Shotts and Whitburn. Only a few miles apart. Whitburn (I was going to call them people but they are not) 'folk' then.......speak much differently to Shotts 'folk'. They all sound the same singing the sash but when they speak they sound totally different.

There has to be an exact point where the accent changes. Ive been annoyed at this for years. Not that it happens. Just not knowing where the point is where the accent inevitably must change

 

It's not the staff's fault, they are told what they can and can't do. No point in moaning at them.