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SICK joke...

Discussion in 'TalkCeltic Pub' started by aidan_mcanespie, Mar 5, 2009.

Discuss SICK joke... in the TalkCeltic Pub area at TalkCeltic.net.

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  1. sweenzo

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    Location:
    Glasgow
    Fav Celtic Player:
    On his game, McGeady
    Fav Celtic Song:
    Let The People Sing.
    The Asda Greeter.........


    A very loud, greasy, unattractive, tattooed welfare dependent, chav,
    minger, woman wearing a RANGERS FOOTBALL TOP top walked into ASDA in THE FORGE with her two kids,
    yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
    The ASDA greeter said pleasantly,
    'Good morning madam, and welcome to ASDA.
    Nice children you have there. Are they twins by any chance?'
    The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, 'F*ck naw, they're
    nae twins.
    The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7. Why the f*ck would you think
    they're twins? Are you blind, thic
    k or just stupid?'
    'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Madam,'replied the greeter. 'I
    just couldn't believe you've been shagged twice.

    Have a good day, and thank you for shopping at ASDA.
    [​IMG]
     
    sweenzo, Mar 5, 2009
    #81

  2. St.Sixtus

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    Location:
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    Fav Celtic Player:
    Paul McStay
    Fav Celtic Song:
    Celtic on the ball

    :56:

    thats a crecker. . .
     
    St.Sixtus, Mar 5, 2009
    #82

  3. ARMALITE

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    Paddy is suing his baker,
    He copied his signature on to the hot cross buns.
     
    ARMALITE, Mar 5, 2009
    #83

  4. aidan_mcanespie

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    Location:
    Paisley
    Fav Celtic Player:
    McGeady (my bhoy) Larssons Ghod !
    Fav Celtic Song:
    Currently - The Legend Mandela.
    :rofl: :rofl: these jokes, are cracking me right up :rofl: keep them coming :50:
     
    aidan_mcanespie, Mar 5, 2009
    #84

  5. angiebowie

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    dont read a sick jokes thread, if you disapprove of sick jokes

    it does exactley what it says on the tin
     
    angiebowie, Mar 5, 2009
    #85

  6. Brendan Hughes

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    Jokes on this are class lol :icon_mrgreen:
     
    Brendan Hughes, Mar 5, 2009
    #86

  7. Dusty

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    Artur Boruc, Shunsuke Nakamura
    Fav Celtic Song:
    You'll Never Walk Alone
    A Scotsman gets a taxi to take him and his girlfriend home.

    She's so beautiful, he can hardly keep his eyes on the meter!


    :101:
     
    Dusty, Mar 5, 2009
    #87

  8. HunSkelper

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    Always keep drugs out of the reach of children.

    And for maximum entertainment, keep them *just* out of reach.
     
    HunSkelper, Mar 5, 2009
    #88

  9. ARMALITE

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    The Irish have abandoned their attempt to climb Everest.
    They ran out of scaffolding.
     
    ARMALITE, Mar 5, 2009
    #89

  10. aidan_mcanespie

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    Location:
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    Fav Celtic Player:
    McGeady (my bhoy) Larssons Ghod !
    Fav Celtic Song:
    Currently - The Legend Mandela.
    take it to a judge !!! :rolleyes:
     
    aidan_mcanespie, Mar 5, 2009
    #90

  11. HunSkelper

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    An Irish family have frozen to death outside a theatre in Dublin.

    They had been queuing for three weeks to see Closed For The Winter.
     
    HunSkelper, Mar 5, 2009
    #91

  12. Brendan Hughes

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    Got sent this by text yesterday, probs * lol

    Can you spare just £2 ?
    Zani is a 9 year old boy living in Namibia. He has only 1 arm and 1 leg. Each day he rides 7 miles to school along roads with craters from land mines, on a bicycle with bent wheels no brakes and only 1 peadl.
    If you send us just £2, we will send you the dvd, its * hilarious.......
     
    Brendan Hughes, Mar 5, 2009
    #92

  13. Dusty

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    Jock McTavish was up in court for buggering his cat.

    The case was dismissed cos the judge refused to believe a Scotsman would put anything into a *' kitty!

    :celt_2:
     
    Dusty, Mar 5, 2009
    #93

  14. Hadouken

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    i didnt like that joke, that doesnt mean i disapprove the rest, jesus christ....
     
    Hadouken, Mar 5, 2009
    #94

  15. MarcyBhoy

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    Henke "Ghod" Larsson!
    Fav Celtic Song:
    You'll be jump out yer windows when we win....
    :56:
     
    MarcyBhoy, Mar 5, 2009
    #95

  16. ARMALITE

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    Rankers fan gets married.
    Midnight goes home to his own house.
    Dad says what are you doing here.
    She conned me dad, she's a virgin.
    You stay here ma boy, if she's no good enough for her own family then she's no good enough for us.
     
    ARMALITE, Mar 5, 2009
    #96

  17. BrianQuinn

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    A lad comes home from school and says "Dad, what’s a *", his Dad slaps him and tells him not to be so rude, the lad begs him as his mates are all taking the * for not knowing.

    Feeling sorry for him the dad looks down and says "Follow me son"

    They walk into the bathroom where the wife is in the bath, "You see that black hairy thing in between your mothers legs son?"

    "Well the rest of her’s a *"
     
    BrianQuinn, Mar 5, 2009
    #97

  18. HunSkelper

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    The Irish have solved their own fuel problems. They imported 50 million tonnes of sand from the Arabs and they're going to drill for their own oil.


    Ps. * you Dusty!:50:
     
    HunSkelper, Mar 5, 2009
    #98

  19. Dusty

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    Haha belter there armalite!


    When it comes to buying a round of drinks, my Scottish mate's got a bottomless wallet.

    That's probably why he can never reach his money,
     
    Dusty, Mar 5, 2009
    #99

  20. HunSkelper

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    Irelands worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery.

    Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging goes on into the night.
     
    HunSkelper, Mar 5, 2009
    #100
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