As Oily Always Says On A Friday Night

Fair enough Paulie, I'll have half a lager top then please guvnor.
With EXTRA lemonade

That WAS wot you just said wasn't it?

 

Enough of this idle chit chat boys, I'm off down the boozer to have a fight!
And wots more if I dont beat the guvnor's daughter this time then I'm a * Chinaman

Free deliveries inside a 3 mile radius btw.

 

Oily, I originaly did think that you were a bit of a "slippery" character, pardon the pun " apples and pears, and all that ",

I think yer good crack, and we could do with more entertaining characters on board like you!


See ye down in the old Kent road

 

Cheers Mike

You won't see this bacardi breezer down The Old Kent Road though mate.
That's * bandit country!
The only time the West Ham go to that khazi is on "special occasions like this one. Enjoy
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aWGDXKSxjn0

 

Now then boys first up I have to apologise for my no show last Friday.
I tried to make it but I was srtill in Lisbon General Infirmary having a number of small daggers removed from me back and a ceremonial cutlass extricated from the left cheek of me *.
I KNEW I shouldn't have worn those 1966 Union Jack shorts fellas

Anyway on with the show and to bring a little smile to those chubby little Jocky cheeks I give you this little blinder.

A West Ham fan, a Celtic fan and a Rangers fan are down the drinker having a scrimmmage when the West Ham boy says "My old woman's a dozy mare, she went to the doctors for a checkup and she's not even ill"
"Tell me about it" says the Celtic geezer "Mine went to the dentist today for a 6 monthly checkup and she aint even got toothache"
So not to be left out the hun pipes up "That's nothing boys my missus has * off to Ibiza for a fortnight with 30 condoms in her suitcase and she hasnae even got a *"

(bows deeply and applies antisceptic to stab wounds)

Carry on

 

Alright boys I can tell by the deathly silence that that wasn't up to my usual mighty standard so try this one on for size and if ya dont like it it I wont take it personally
(attaches rope to bannister and drops noose over head)

An essex girl and some bloke she met are playing a game of hide and seek,

the bloke counts to 10 while the Essex girl hides,

after about 30 seconds the bloke gets a text from the Essex girl saying:

"if you find me you can lick my * and * me up the *,

if you cant,

I'm in the shed"

I'm here all week boys

 

Did you have to remind us?

 

We thought the polite thing was to ingore it like a mental patient making a scene LoL

 

Cheers Jimbo my son I knew I could rely on your support,
I'll wear it always

 

Was it a joke i though it was a true story??

 

Hehehehe Thank Gawd for that Paulie, I was worried that no * would know where Essex was pal

It's a bit like Inverness but the ladies dont bother to put their drawers on in the morning.
* bless 'em

 

I'll ignore that remark matey boy but never forget that I possess an ordinance survey map of Scotland.........and I know how to use it sweetcheeks

 

Wot? A kind of drinking man's New Zealand?

 

You found it funny, i'm just trying to find an Essex girl....:icon_mrgreen:

 

I cant reply fellas I'm crying with laughter boys.
If anyone ever tells me again that the Jocks have got no sense of humour I'll put 'em thru the * wall.
With your permission of course chaps