SOS: Need Rangers Jokes. ASAP

Right, my mate gets married on Friday and I'm the best man. Problem is, the bastart's one of them...hey, at least it's proof we can make a bridge between the divide.

Anyway, I'm going to have an open forum to talk about my good mate, his good points his bad points, and all that crap, but what i mainly want to do its rip the utter pish out of the Huns for 85% of my speech.

I'm looking for those who are a lot funnier and more enlightened to send along your best Ranger's jokes - especially one's centred around their recent demise and current Zombie status.

Be helping me out big time - and kicking * in the eyes of a room full of blue-noses.

Cheers all.
E.M.

 

You'll know best obviously, but you should probably think twice about making the wedding about football :smiley-laughing002:

 

Pick a relative of your mate who's deid and compare them to rangers.

 

Aye think about this first ffs :smiley-laughing002:

 

Would a video of their attempts to play football against Hearts recently not get you all the laughs you need?
Personally i was splitting my * sides. :smiley-laughing002:

 

A rangers fan walks into a pub with a monkey, I can't remember the rest of the joke but the bride is a *!!! That should be a good ice breaker. Let me know how it goes.

 

The monkey asks the barman if its ok to bring his pet hun in here?? :smiley-laughing002:

 

Here is a few

The Celtic team are having a meeting on the eve of a Rangers game and Neil Lennon says to the bhoys. Look lads, I know they're absolutely pish and you don't want to play them, but we have to, or face the wrath of the SFA".
Gary Hooper says "I've got an idea boss, why don't you all go down the pub and I'll play them on my own. After all they are * and I'm good enough to beat them by myself". "Brilliant idea, Hooper" says Neil. "That's what we'll do". So the day of the match arrives and the bhoys are in the pub playing pool when Victor remembers that the game is on the telly, he puts it on just in time to see Hooper score.
CELTIC 1 (Hooper 10 mins) RANGERS 0
The lads cheer, get the drinks in, and turn the telly off to concentrate on their game of pool. At 4.50 p.m. Neil Lennon says " The game should be over by now, put the telly back on to find out what the final score was"
So the telly is switched back on and the score flashes up
CELTIC 1 (Hooper 10 mins) RANGERS 1 (Naismith 93 mins. Pen just then Hooper arrives at the pub."What the * happened, Hooper?" asks Lennon "It was that * Willie Collum, boss" replies Hooper " He sent me off in 11 mins."

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RANGERS F.C. OFFICIAL 2012 ALBUM:

1. Borrow Borrow ( We will borrow billions )
2. * pay the queen
3. The cry was no reminders
4. The cash my father owed
5. Penny blockade
6. Simply in debt
7. We've re-mortgaged Derrys Walls
8.
Hullo Hullo ( We are the bailiff boys)
9. (bonus remix) Simply the Bust

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If you go down to Ibrox today you're sure of a big surprise.
If you go down to Ibrox today you'll never believe your eyes.
'cause super Ally has no cash, soon no place to sing the sash. Today's the day the teddy bears had their pitch nicked!

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order a copy of the newly launched Rangers DVD: 1872 till 2012, Sashes to Ashes.

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The police are trying to talk ally mccoist out of the Glasgow restaurant siege, Apparently he lost it when the waiter asked him if he wanted jelly and ice cream

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Following on from Broxi Bears dramatic deadline day transfer to Edinburgh Zoo - Rangers chairman Sandy Easdale has announced that the clubs new mascot will simply be a fan dressed as a giant cheque - he shall be known as Bouncy Bouncy..

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Panic at rangers as 'Yanks Go Home' banner sees edu,bedoya and bocanegra boards flights for the USA. So does kyle lafferty who misread it.

 

Ha, brilliant. That's what i'm after.

And i'm only half kidding about the full speech - but i do have a nice slot to rip the utter horse outta them.

Cheers all.

 

A celtic fan is playing darts in a pub. His 1st dart hits double 20 and his 2nd dart also hits double 20. His 3rd dart hits the head of a man wearing a rangers top in the bar and kills him instantly. The celtic fans friend turns to him and says," That's the best score you can get in darts, one hun dead and 80!"

 

Rise above it and don't even mention them...they are so pathetic not worth mentioning..

 

This, be very careful with taking the *, I wouldn't like it if it was the other way round.

 

Belter

 

Ally Mcoist

 

:smiley-laughing002:

 

That's class!

I can't make the numbers add up.. Send them to their old accountant and see what he can do.

Edit Didn't see the double.

 

Definitely agree.

Many of the guests will be Sevco fans and wont appreciate the jokes.

Best not to intrude on private grief as they say.



Having said that...

Hun rings up Ibrox ticket office before Kilmarnock game..

" What time's the kick-off ?"

Ibrox office " What time can you get here ?":


Ibrox Steward catches two blokes climbing over a gate during the match ..

" Oh no you don't... get back in there...":


Mike Ashley gives his little grandson his Christmas present.. its a folder.

Kid opens it .......its the Majority Shareholding Certificate for Rangers !!

KId bursts into tears.. I dont want this...

Ashley : But you said you wanted a Cowboy Outfit !

 

Whats the difference between a hedgehog and a bus load of huns?

The hedgehog has got the * on the outside