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Joke Thread

Discussion in 'TalkCeltic Pub' started by AnthonyBhoy, Nov 6, 2008.

Discuss Joke Thread in the TalkCeltic Pub area at TalkCeltic.net.

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  1. Rendog

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Philadelphia museum of art
    Fav Celtic Player:
    Kieran Tierney
    Fav Celtic Song:
    The SAM song
    Lets get this back on track with some good jokes all kept together, instead of the single thread andy cameron stuff.
     
    Rendog, Jan 20, 2009
    #21

  2. nosoup4u

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Coatbridge
    Fav Celtic Player:
    Larsson,McGeady,Sutton,Hartson,Jinky
    What do you tell a woman with two black eye's???
    nothing you already told her twice.
     
    nosoup4u, Jan 20, 2009
    #22

  3. Anth

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Glasgow
    Fav Celtic Player:
    Lubo
    A man walks into a library ad asks for a book on suicide.

    Librarian says "* off, you won't bring it back"
     
    Anth, Jan 21, 2009
    #23

  4. col_p67

    Joined:
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    Fav Celtic Player:
    Henke, John Collins
    Guy takes his sick cat to the vet. The vet looks it over and says "Sorry, but he's done for. £75 quid please". The man refuses to accept this and asks for a second opinion. The vet then proceeds to bring out a dog and another cat. The two of them look the ill cat up and down, turn to the vet and shake their heads. The vet turns, shrugs at the man and says "See? He's done for. £300 please". The man says "How do you figure that? A minute ago it was £75!". The vet says "aye, but that was before the lab test and the cat scan!"

    BOOM BOOM!

    What's french and loves *?

    Moi!
     
    col_p67, Jan 21, 2009
    #24

  5. snedahoop

    Joined:
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    what your favourite tellytubby?
    a sony bravia ya cheeky we *
     
    snedahoop, Jan 21, 2009
    #25

  6. Craiglang Gold Member Gold Member

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    Fav Celtic Player:
    Broony
    Fav Celtic Song:
    LTPS
    Pedigree Chum Factory has gone bust.

    The retrievers are being sent in.
     
    Craiglang, Jan 21, 2009
    #26

  7. Liam Scales

    Joined:
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    Broony
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    Celtic Symphony, YNWA, Grace
    [youtube]http://youtube.com/watch?v=RJlPEHL85Ig[/youtube]
     
    Liam Scales, Jan 21, 2009
    #27

  8. BrianQuinn

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    Aww FFS mate thats sickening :56:
     
    BrianQuinn, Jan 21, 2009
    #28

  9. St.Sixtus

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    Location:
    West end, Glasgow
    Fav Celtic Player:
    Paul McStay
    Fav Celtic Song:
    Celtic on the ball
    What do you call a republican tellytubby ??

    T'iocfaidh ar la la
     
    St.Sixtus, Jan 22, 2009
    #29

  10. Tim{e}4ten

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    Location:
    paradise
    Fav Celtic Player:
    ever--john collins
    Fav Celtic Song:
    4 leaf clover
    A lorry driver is heading down a country road,,when he sees a sign saying"low bridge ahead"before he has time to react he gets his lorry stuck under the bridge...

    this had the traffic backed up for miles..

    finally the cops arrive,,one of them gets out and goes up to the lorry driver and says--

    "got stuck,,ehhhh"

    to which the lorry driver replies--

    no officer,,i was delivering this bridge and ran outta petrol...
     
    Tim{e}4ten, Jan 22, 2009
    #30

  11. Craiglang Gold Member Gold Member

    Joined:
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    Fav Celtic Player:
    Broony
    Fav Celtic Song:
    LTPS
    2 scottish guys at an airport - 1 of them goes to ask a stewardess for his luggage

    His mate stands and watches as the stewardess smacks the first guy right across the face.

    He asks "what happened there?"

    "I jut said to her - "can I have my holdall?"
     
    Craiglang, Jan 22, 2009
    #31
    Callum McGregor likes this.

  12. R-to-the-C

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    Location:
    Aberdeen
    Fav Celtic Player:
    john collins, nakamura, maloney
    Fav Celtic Song:
    you'll never walk alone
    I'm about three years into my relationship now, and I've started to have erection difficulties. My girlfriend and I have different ideas as to what the problem is: she bought me some *...

    ...and I've bought her a treadmill.
     
    R-to-the-C, Jan 22, 2009
    #32
    Callum McGregor likes this.

  13. GalwayBhoy

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    McGeady, McDonald
    Fav Celtic Song:
    Fields of Athenry, LTPS, Celtic Symphony
    Where's the best place to hide money from a hun?
    Under the soap!!!!!!
     
    GalwayBhoy, Jan 31, 2009
    #33

  14. lisbonlion11

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Derry , Ireland
    Fav Celtic Player:
    Kayal
    Fav Celtic Song:
    Let the people sing
    Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
    really *.

    She told him 'Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
    driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!'

    The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
    up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
    gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

    Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
    the box back in the house.

    She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

    Bob has been missing since Friday.
     
    lisbonlion11, Feb 1, 2009
    #34

  15. Lazycame

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Beyond Bars, Togo.
    Fav Celtic Player:
    McManus
    Fav Celtic Song:
    Willie Maley
    I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
     
    Lazycame, Feb 1, 2009
    #35
    Callum McGregor likes this.

  16. ARMALITE

    Joined:
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    How do you know when your wife is dead ?

    When the * is the same but the washing is piling up.
     
    ARMALITE, Feb 1, 2009
    #36
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