Looking for a bit of advice

Right,a woman who I work with lost her mum last week.shed been ill for a long time and everybody knew about it.finding out her mum passed away has saddened everyone in work as she's well liked and respected.
Yesterday I was asked whether I would like to contribute towards a card and a big bunch of flowers for her which I said yes to without a seconds thought.they're going to collect money tomorrow.
Anyway,the dilemma came when I spoke to one of the women I work with today.I asked whether she knew of the plans and she said yes but she wouldn't be giving a penny towards it.after the initial shock of what she said (they're really good friends in work) I asked her why.she told me that when I was off for 2 weeks last summer,one of the women in work had lost her dad really suddenly and left her obviously distraught.she was given nothing and didn't even get a phone call off the manager.she is quite quiet and just gets on with her job whereas the first woman I mentioned just kisses the managers * and hardly lifts a finger.
We agreed that she would have really appreciated the gesture of flowers and a card but because she isn't in the 'gang',the manager never organised anything.
What should I do?
It'd be pretty hurtfull seeing everyone chip in for someone when less than a year ago people didn't give a toss about your loss
On the other hand,I'd feel a right * if I didn't chip in

 

You should do what you feel is right.

If you have respect for the person who lost a family member then it would be nice to put in.

 

Here's a wee suggestion....

If you feel it right, then stick some money in to card.

You could also maybe buy a wee bouqet of flowers for the other woman - I'm sure the wee gesture would be very much appreciated by her

 

Awk... i totally get where you're coming from man- stuff like this can be awkward. In a work situation it usually does come down to who's more liked ( or even who's more vocal) Although not the same situation i was recently asked to put to a guys sheet who worked with us for a year, he was a bit of a pain and really not the best worker but i agreed out of politeness... anyway a week after he leaves another girl who has worked with us all for 6 years and not one person has a bad word to say about says shes leaving and no-one does anything because... " we cant ask people for more money"


If i were you i would probably just conform and contribute to the sheet and maybe just take note to do something personal for someone else if the situation arises again

 

This+1 this would settle both situations.

 

Pump her.

 

Probably not the best advice but here's my thoughts on all this caper .

All this buying * for folk in work who are leaving or have some trauma in their life kinda does my nut in. You are there to earn money not spend it on folk you are forced to be with for 40 hours a week ,if it was me im afraid theyd be told to bolt.

Although i'm a miserable * so you are probs best doing what you feel is right

 

A bit of sensitivity would not go a miss here, if you dont have anything constructive or helpfull to say, say nothing at all.

 

What others do or don't is of no consequence mate. Do what you are comfortable doing be it a donation or flowers.

 

I base my contributions on two criteria; If I like them and if they cross picket lines (I don't donate to scabs). May seem a bit harsh but I work in a big office and I would be out a tenner every other week if I just blindly donated to every collection.

I think if you like this woman who's Mother has sadly passed you should by all means donate, it is not your fault that a collection wasn't organised for the 2nd woman when you were off.

 

im of the same opinion mate

when im at work im there to make money, and the majority of my personal life is kept private.

like to wind people up sometimes with the whole "why would i do something outside of work with you? your only a workmate, your not actually a friend"

 

in this case mate two wrongs dont make a rite just give a few quid

 

The relative of the deceased sounds like a lazy and snide *. Personally I'd contribute nothing to a person like that.

 

Thanks for the replies.gave me a lot to think about.
I'm probably going to put money in and also just quietly get a little bunch of flowers for the other woman.it's a really good suggestion that makes a lot of sense and then I know I've not done something for one and not the other.Also,I think it would mean a lot to her.
Thanks everyone for taking the time to reply

 

Glad some of us were here to help

 

Two wrongs don't make a right.

Basically it boils down to that.