best sayings you know /heard

I was sitting in a meeting and everyone was sh#t scared to say something to the boss- it was December time and the silience was deafening- anyway the boss pipes up- 'you lot are just like turkeys voting for Christmas'- he was not a funny man but I pist myself that day.

 

I was going to say that. My mum said that to my mate and she doesn't have a funny bone in her body (maybe apart from ma da's). My mate came to visit me in hospital after he burnt his face lighting a fire (silly boy was too out his face) and my mum nearly killed when she said that wae laughter. Classic

 

'With those teeth, she could eat sweetcorn through a tennis racket!'

'Have you been brushng your teeth with a jobbie bar?'

 

Body off Baywatch, face off Crimewatch

 

He could start a war in an empty house=arguementative person

more rattle than a can of marbles= gobby *

a face like a smacked *=looks miserable

 

'Gees a smile and make yer * jealous'

 

theres the phone for you .. you hand it to them and say its the council there coming out to pick up that * yer talkin

 

as useful as the left side of the countdown clock

 

i,d love to lick the cornbeef curtains of that one! * on her like a busted sofa. she could eat an apple through a tennis racket ! u,d need a bag a flour to find her wet patch! refering to an over weight female

 

Your built like the side of a fiver
Your built like a wet rizzla
Ive seen more meat on a butchers pencil- all skinny people
you were a * stain tae yir maw rolled over

 

He's 4 stone soaking wet

once again noticing someones build/size given that you weigh more when yer wet, if ye had clothes on.... obv.

 

dont get it!.............just got it...........

 

you're as much use as an ash tray on a motorbike

 

i like the one were the not so good lookin burd says.
mate you are drunk. and the drunk says , aye and you are ugly.
but i will be sober in the morning.:icon_mrgreen:

 

winston Churchill came out with that to a member of the aristocracy at a party.great one liner

lady "sir you are drunk"

churchill "madam i am indeed drunk,in the morning i will be sober,alas you will still be ugly."

class

 

ah i learn someting every day:icon_mrgreen:

 

Not so much a saying but i always liked this one.
There is so much bad in the best of us
And so much good in the worst of us
That it ill behaves any of us
To talk about the rest of us.........we are all equal.

Meister

 

anybody said this one?/ my dad used to say this about a player
ach ye cant put in what * left out???

 

oh and ps ma mam would say does that apply to your bottle of whiskylol:icon_mrgreen: