SICK joke...

Ma mate told me this the other day *puts hard hat on*

What do you call Jade Goody in a wedding dress ?











A shuttle *.

I apologise

 

heard that 1 the other day, cracks me up each time

 

PMSL

 

whats the difference between jam and marmalade ???


Ye canny marmalade yer * up a burds * !!

 

that was un-called for n how on earth have i never heard that

 

Whats the difference between a creme egg and a prostitute?





















You can lick out a creme egg for only 50p

 

dont know if you remember, but Gordon Durie was told to stay away from Davie Coopers funeral. . .(Hees Deed apparently)


People were scared that he would dive in the box !!

 

want to be my pal? can sit n tell me jokes all day

sounds like a plan, what ya say

 

Steady on. . .youll get me shot !!

 

jesus, what a KB

i hope & pray you get shot

hehe!!!

 

[FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Q: What do Rangers Fans and sperm have in common?


















A: One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being. [/FONT][FONT=Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif][/FONT]

 

i let out a chuckle top drawer

 

Did you hear about the loyalist who had an open mind ??

























Nah, me neither !!

 

thats a wee bit racist

 

paddy and mick walking along the street!paddy says * check that forest out"
mick says what forest i cant see cos of the trees!!:icon_mrgreen:

 

so are paddy n mick jokes, lighten up

 

*, liked it

 

Stevie Wonder is playing his first gig in Tokyo and the place is absolutely packed to the rafters. In a bid to break the ice with his new audience he asks if anyone would like him to play a request.

A wee Japanese guy takes the opportunity and jumps out of his seat in the first row and shouts at the top of his voice,

‘Play a Jazz chord! Play a jazz chord!’

Amazed that this guy knows about the jazz influences in Stevie’s varied career, the blind impresario starts to play an E minor scale and then goes into a difficult jazz melody for about 10 minutes. When he finishes the whole place goes wild.

But the wee guys jumps up again and shouts,

‘No, no, play a Jazz chord, play a Jazz chord!!’

A bit ticked off by this, Stevie, being the professional that he is, dives straight into a jazz improvisation with his band around the B flat minor chord and really tears the place apart.

The crowd goes wild with this impromptu show of his technical expertise.

The wee guy jumps up again,
‘No, no!! Play a Jazz chord, play a Jazz chord!!’.


Well and truly outraged that this little guy doesn’t seem to appreciate his playing ability, Stevie says
to him from the stage, ‘OK smart *.
You get up here and do it!’.

So he climbs up onto the stage,
takes hold of the mike and starts to sing...









‘A jazz chord to say I ruv you...’