A couple of jokes...

A husband asks his wife "Tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time"

Wife replies "Well you've got the biggest * out of all your mates"


After great * his Thai girlfriend lies there stroking John's *, he asks "Do you fancy another one love?"

"No" she replies, "Im just admiring your *... I really miss mine"

 

:icon_mrgreen: lol very good mate lol.

 

young man walking along pier sees an old man with his shoes off, trousers rolled up, legs dangling in the water and fishing with an imaginary fishing rod! puzzled the young man asks. "what you up to mate?" "fishing for fannys!" young man says "fishing for fannys!, sounds good, can i have a go?" "of course you can, pull up a pew son."he sits down casts his imaginary rod and says "so how many fannys have you caught so far?" old guy says "well your the 3rd this morning!"

 

pmsl!..very good

 

Guy walks into his GP`s surgery and punches the doctor in the face. "you f****ng b****rd! Telling my wife she has a nice *" Doc replies "i told her she had acute angina". Hail!Hail!

 

top drawer m8

 

An old man walks into the chemist to buy *.

"Can i have 6 tablets please? I also need them cut into quarters"

"I could cut them, but a quarter wont give you a full erection" said the assistant

The old man replied "Im 86 dear, I don't have much use for an erection these days, I just want it sticking out enough so i don't * on my slippers"

 

how do Aberdeen fans find sheep in long grass?


Irresistable

 

Why is the rose the national flower of England?.....................Because it`s full of little *!..........(All Celtic fans and their families and friends exempt of course). Hail!Hail!

 

urgent !!

URGENT MESSAGE FROM THE WHITEHOUSE....

All white people report to the cotton fields 7am tomorrow morning.

President.

 

lol

but isnt ours,the thistle, also quite spikey

 

A radio station is offering a 'round the world trip' if you can come up with a word thats
not in the dictionary and put it in a sentence.
A wee glasgow guy phones in says "ma word is gaun, spelt g.a.u.n. and ma sentence is gaun * yerself!". Dj hangs up and apologises, a minute later a guy calls- "ma word is smee, spelt s.m.e.e. The dj says "ok now whats your sentence?"
The guy says "smee again, gaun * yerself"

 

lol gd syuff guys

 

Be honest,

How many of you out there were only watching the inauguration to see if he got shot?



Statistically... 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.


The other day I needed to pay a visit to the public toilet, so I found a public toilet that had two cubicles.

One of the doors was locked. So I went into the other one, closed the door, dropped my trousers and sat down.

A voice came from the cubicle next to me: "Hello mate, how are you doing?"

Although I thought that it was a bit strange, I didn't want to be rude, so I replied, "Not too bad, thanks."

After a short pause, I heard the voice again. "So, what are you up to?"

Again I answered, somewhat reluctantly, "Just having a quick *... How about yourself?"

The next thing I heard him say was, "Sorry, mate, I'll have to call you back. I've got some * in the cubicle next to me answering everything I say."

 

A man walks into a petrol station and says, "Can I please have a KitKat Chunky?"

The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him.

"No," says the man, "I wanted a normal KitKat, you fat *."

 

what do you call a midget in a tumble dryer


* hilarious

 

pat and Mick where walking down a streets, and pat falls down a drain,
Mick says "are u OK?" pat says,"I'm fine, theres milk down here" Mick say" is it pasteurized " pat say "no, its past my knees"

 

good jokes guy keep them up only joke i know is RANgers