As Oily Always Says On A Friday Night

Jim - should I ask Oily for his * size?

 

u usually hit on the newbies anyway

 

Works for me

 

Cheers pal
I'm giving it me best shot but it's a bit of a struggle with old Fifer J in me earole every five bleedin' minutes:icon_mrgreen:

Seriously though it's a pleasure to chat to you guys and share a joke or 20.
Every time I log on to the West Ham site a big hairy mitt comes out of the monitor and stripes me across the 'arris (bottom) with a Stanley blade and a voice says "Do you want some you * two bob arseole"
Mind you we're very good to our old mums down 'ere mate

 

Let's just say that I went to a fancy dress party last week, stuck me little soldier in me earole and won first prize as a petrol pump. FACT!

 

Oily

You went all foreign on me there mate.

I have no flucking clue what you said!

Still, it sounded funny, so good on ye ya cockey dobber

 

Sorry squire I need to spend more time with the Big Yin videos mate.

Right boys last joke before I nip down the rub a dub (public house) and chuck (swill) a few pints of fizzy grog (a hop based warmish beverage) down me gregory (neck) before having a right royal up and a downer (violent fist fight) with the trouble and strife (woman of my dreams).

MRS BLOBBY - Bliblle libble blib blilb blobby blobby blib blib blob blib.

MR BLOBBY _ Oh for Gawds sake love just *' swallow it.

Can you come back next week boys

 

mmmmmmmmm no bad but you,ll need to get better

 

on a simmilar track

Q. What do you say to a Muslim with his arm all the way up a camel's rump?
A. "Having car trouble?"

 

Now then boys admit it, You haven't slept a wink waiting for the return of this hilarious thread have yers? (stony silence broken only by tumbleweed blowing through forum)

* the lot of ya then but I'm gonna tell a joke whether you like it or not

Two geezers walk into a drinker and the first one says to his mate
"Oi Donkey get the pints in my son I'm goin' for a *"
So the other fella says to the barman
"T t twoooo p p p pints of lllllllaaaaager m m m ate"

Just then the other geezer returns from the khazi and call across to his pal
"Get us a packet of crisps Donkey I'm gonna play on the fruity"
Obediently his oppo says to the barkeep
A a a a p p p p packet of ch ch ch cheese and onion b b b b baaarman

So the barman looks at him for a bit then he says "I 'ope you dont mind me askin' mate but why does your mate keep callin' you donkey?"

"Oh eee orr eee orr ee orr always calls me that" says he.

Right now * own up boys, was that worth 7 long days of waiting or what

I'm here till Monday

 

Bacardi Breezer!!!!??????
I always suspected that you Jocks were a bunch of pooftas

(touches up eyeliner, checks for visible panty line and minces off into distance)

PS Are ya goin' to Lisbon Pauly? I'll treat yer to a white wine spritzer with extra fizzy water my son

 

Have to say Oily that your 'funniest bastart in here' crown has slipped considerably there.

Reckon you have to hear that 'joke' than read it

 

Sorry mate. It's my "time of the month"
I'll try to do better next time or my name's not Mrs Mol

I notice you've still not eaten that cod by the way.
If you dont want it, what's me chances?

 

You can have it mate. I didn't put that there. RT (a fecking mod dobber) thinks that he's being really funny by constantly changing my avatar - I just ignore it.

If you want something similar, go and get under RT's skin, it's his really mature way of revenge

 

Reckon he's a plastic cockny.

 

Hehehehe You're makin' em up as you go along Pauly

I've 'alf a mind to get 'old of yer by the "gregory" and force you to watch reruns of Dr Finlay's Casebook.

"Shut up Janet woman and suck mah *"

 

Nuffink plastic abaht this Cockney boy Jimbo.

Mind you my old woman's bristols, that 's a different matter entirely